Yesterday was six months since I lost my beloved husband Robin, six months of trying to come to terms with my loss, and living my life without him. Quite honestly, I had a miserable day, tearful and upset, and thinking back to that awful day. Yes, I have lots of memories, lots of good times to reflect on, but I still look over to his empty chair and empty pillow and wish he was still here with me.
Friends and family have been kind and supportive, and people often ask, "how are you?" I wrote a poem recently to express how I feel when I'm asked this question.
I met a friend for coffee, in a cafe yesterday
She looked at me and asked, how are you today?
Asking me that is a trigger, shall I tell the truth this time?
My life has changed forever, and I'm anything but fine
Can't you see that I am hurting, I think inside my mind
I'm full of grief and sadness, and I'm crying all the time
But she doesn't need to hear that, so I turn to her and say
I'm fine thanks, and you, how are you today?
So please don't look at me with pity and ask me how I am. Any one who has suffered a bereavement, has had earth shattering medical news, is going through cancer treatment, or is dealing with any number of ongoing personal problems can't or won't tell you how they are really feeling. I'm doing the best I can, but some days are harder to get through than others. It would be so much nicer to be greeted with, "Hi, it's so nice to see you again".
ICA Rally, Wanganui